Decision guides · 5 min read
How to decide when you're scared
Fear doesn't have to go away first. It just has to stop being the only voice in the room.
Courage gets sold sometimes as fearlessness: the calm, unshaken person who simply doesn't feel afraid. It's a nice image, and it's mostly a myth. Most brave decisions are made by people who were afraid the entire time and did the thing anyway.
Fear and danger aren't the same thing
Fear is very good at one job: getting your attention. It's less reliable at its second job, telling you how much actual danger you're in, because it responds just as strongly to a decision that merely feels risky, like changing careers, or having a hard conversation, as it does to something genuinely dangerous. Before letting fear cast the deciding vote, ask plainly: is this actually risky, or does it just feel that way because it's unfamiliar and I can't fully control the outcome?
Get specific about what you're afraid of
Vague fear is enormous and unmanageable. Specific fear can actually be examined. Instead of I'm scared, try naming exactly what you're picturing: I'm scared they'll say no, I'm scared I'll regret it, I'm scared of what people will think. Once it's specific, you can ask a follow-up question that vague fear never allows: if that actually happened, could I survive it? Usually, uncomfortably, honestly, the answer is yes.
Courage was never described as fear's absence
When Joshua was about to lead Israel into deeply uncertain territory, he wasn't told to stop feeling afraid before proceeding. He was told, be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9). The courage came paired with the fear, not instead of it. That's a different, more achievable standard than waiting to feel brave before you act.
Let the fear ride along instead of driving
You don't need to defeat fear before deciding. You need it to stop being the only passenger in the car giving directions. Acknowledge it plainly, it's alright to be scared of this, and then let your values, your convictions, and the counsel of people who know you help decide the actual direction, with the fear present but no longer alone at the wheel.
Before you go
Fear is loud, but it isn't always accurate about the actual danger. Get specific about what you're afraid of, ask whether you could survive it if it happened, and remember that courage was never about the fear disappearing first. It's choosing well with the fear still in the car.